Wife beaters (no not A-shirts)

I used to be one. Well actually, in a way, I guess I still am (like clean addicts are still addicts). Anyway, it's a bitch-made thing to do and I feel like talking about it.
Men who abuse women are fucking clowns. Abuse is a lot of things, but it's mostly mental. You can't abuse someone who knows their worth is beyond your backhand. Anybody can be an abuser and anybody can be a victim. Women abuse men, "friends" abuse friends, so forth and so on. The reason I say men who abuse women are clowns is pretty simple, we are ALL here because of a woman. In fact, to keep it 100, men are just a mutant variant... XX to XY. Our women are instrumental to the survival of humankind. We should treat them as such
Men who beat on their women don't only have no respect or love for their companion, but also lack those feelings for themselves. Men who batter women are extremely insecure failures for the most part. - I know, you're thinking "but wait, you're a hood rich asshole," but alas, I wasn't always. - Men who get jealous if their girlfriend smiles while she's on the phone, or talking to friends in person. Men who feel inadequate in life and need to dominate a female to stave off their suicidal realities. Batterers are usually punks who don't stand up for anything in their own lives, which is why they need someone to knock down. - I'm making myself look so bad. - They prey on weak character types, like wolves looking for the weak and dying of the herd. Yeah these niggas aint shit!
Women should be treated with respect and shown love. They are flowers, at different phases of blossom. Here's the thing though: YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE in love, just as in all walks of life. If a female doesn't carry herself as a WOMAN, she can not expect to be treated as one. I'm not saying, if she acts like a bitch then whoop that trick, but really ladies, nobody will love you more than you love yourself AND stick around.
If you're looking for HIM to come rescue you from YOUR bullshit, you're saying "hey, I've already been defeated," and really, what winner wants a loser? It's a sad fact that the dignity of today's woman is severely lacking. The "glass ceiling" may not supposedly exist anymore but there's still a definite message out there that women are below men. DISPROVE that! That is your assignment as a woman, should you choose to accept it. Be that LADY that I desire to see as well as be seen with.
Now I do realize there are some dudes that will kill their lady for trying to rise above him. Those are the worst of the haters (9/10 abusive men are 33rd degree hate masons). These dudes are lower than slug shit. They are such miserable fucks that any semblance of joy or progression or even the spark of insecurity about what they mean to someone, sparks them to kill. If I could I'd clap them all with a .50 cal, twice.
So, how can I say all this and claim I used to be abusive? I woke up. My kids mom used to get fucked up by EVERYBODY before me, and sort of expected it from me. Long story short, it happened, it became a nightmare (for both of us, obviously much more so for her,) and I left because it became so bad that I honestly couldn't stand to hit her anymore. I left to try to grow, to become who I was before her and who I wanted to be afterwards. It took a while. I had to do a lot of digging and go through (as well as put others through) tons of pain. I hate who I was.
One day, I fell in love, for real. The point of that is more WHO I fell in love with. I fell in love with a strong woman. Just from her character and poise I didn't dare try to get at her until I knew my shit was together. I prepared myself for her. I got my act together and did shit that I could be proud of. I didn't do it for her so much as she made me want to be a better person, with or without her... and please believe there was a long "without her" period. I got back into art and music. My poetry got better and my rhymes???!? pssssh, nobody's fucking with me! I got my money up, I got my shit right and I feel great! She's gone, but the me I want to be is here forever!
Sadly, my kids' momma is still getting victimized. The number of men who have beaten her increases every few years, true story. I pray for her. I plead for her to wake up too. "I'll do things when I'm ready," she tells me. What can I tell our kids if she's very seriously hurt or killed? She can't see that far, or just doesn't believe he'd do that to her. Yeah, none of them were going to hit her again either...
Point is, batterers are dirt, the most dirt is on the floor and in unkept areas. If you're keeping yourself low and unkept ladies, the more likely you are to get dirty. Do your best to be your best and these dudes will eventually have the space they need to be alone enough to think about who they are. Either they'll kill themselves or they'll grow into full fledged men. It's a win/win.
Fuck if this was long-winded, PAY ATTENTION!!
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Damn

My life been a lot realer than a lot of niggas think
the problems increased, still I can't stop in the least
Boxing the beast, everyday I'm watching police
the feds and detectives, clock my bop in the streets
I'm hot and this heat, aint got me me shocked in the least
a lotta niggas got knocked, and then got a release
Spot 'em wit d's talkin bout plottin and schemes
Who got it for cheap, whose dope is washin the fiends
Droppin the beat, given all these cops what they need
- To come and knock ME
cause the hood said if a nigga got it, then he got it from me.

Damn.
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Shots fired

The loud cracking sounds of the hammer igniting the gunpowder draws me closer.
The ominous smell of fire and 'burn' from the barrel of your gun, is like perfume to me.
You shoot, and I run closer to you.

I am not bulletproof.

The sound of the barrel revolving is like you whispering my name at night.
The nickel plating, the rubber grip, the perfect shoes and dress.
You shoot and I run closer to you.

I am not bulletproof.

The extended clips are equivalent to extra love from you.
The slug in the chamber just tells me you've been waiting for me.
You shoot and I run closer to you.

I am not bulletproof.

The hollow points, the .223s and the .50 cal shells just tell me you're a complex variety of things I love.
The snub nose screams discretion, the pearl handle tells me you're eloquent.
You shoot and I run closer to you.

I am not bulletproof.

Your accuracy at the range tells me....
Shit! I just got shot.
Like an assassin to my heart, your scope has been accurate, and I am now dying.

One shot, one kill.

You shot, I ran closer to you.

I wasn't bulletproof.

I love you. Now please, don't leave me here to die......

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Fresh Out The Bookings?!?

As you may or may not know, I've been no stranger to handcuffs in my life so far, this last trip to central bookings may just have been the most profound however:

Since my 1st adult arrest (I was a week into 18) it's seemed that everybody always expects ME to know how their case looks. Maybe the glasses scream 'the nerd knows!', fuck it. Now there are always "bullpen lawyers" ready to say "what you here for? .... Oh you gonna do X amount of time." Fuck those guys, they're shook and hoping your case is more serious than theirs so they can go home after the judge is satisfied with enough cases bigger than their shit. Myself, on the other hand, I don't care why anyone else is here but I always get clung to. I'm no giant dude either... but I mean, dudes give up seats, I rock the phone all day type shit (without saying "I'm so and so".) Anyway, this occasion was no different, except for me having a massive tension headache from the day before, so I'm Mr. Security Blanket again. This time though, I heard some shit I hadn't heard as much before, A LOT. "I just want to see my kid(s)." Not so odd you'd think, but its been my experience that most heads just wanna touch the hood again and be free to keep doing what they did before. This time, the amount of minority men concerned about their kids was staggering, considering the stereotypes and location we were in. I won't get into why I was there but I'm talking dudes from the trap house to dudes with bodies to dudes that spit on the sidewalk (yeah, seriously,) and everybody wanted to get back to being 'DAD'. Of course I was one of them, but I knew I was going home soon... so did they LOL. I called home and my kids said "nah, we not worried," my daughter actually said "worry about what? I'll see you soon, I know that, you're superdad!" Off that, I knew no matter what, I was going home ASAP but I digress.

The amount of YOUNG minority males who were active in their kids' lives, regardless of what they did outside of home, was so contradictory to the hype it got me to thinking... "WHY?" Not why are they involved, but WHY THE FUCK aren't we home with our kids instead of in these cells thinking about them. The masses and the media want us to believe the "hood" is full of criminally inclined dead-beat dads. (Fuck dead-beats by the way.) What the hood is full of is people trying to get by. People trying to succeed from a failing position, in a failing community, abandoned by failing systems under failing administrations. In simple terms, shit is fucked up out here yo!

When the average inmate is leaving at least 1 child minus a parent, there's a lot that's going be wrong with the children of tomorrow. Our kids are becoming accustomed to seeing us get arrested, incarcerated, and at worst, gone forever. It's almost like saying it's okay when it becomes so regular. It's not fucking OK. Our children need guidance, guidance away from these spider web ass systems and toward freedom and success. We can not secure our future from inside cells. A boy needs to see what a man is to become one and a girl needs to see what a real man is so that she seeks a real man and not a regret, the same with having a real woman around.

Previous generations fought so that we wouldn't have to. The real OG's didn't want us to be like them, at constant war. They battled against THEM so that we could be free to do US. Instead we're battling US at the benefit of nobody but THEM. This needs to stop NOW. There needs to be a community again. UNITY being the key part of that word. We need to police ourselves instead of being policed. This happens with communication, will, and effort.

Go knock on your neighbor's door and introduce yourself. Be in other people's business from up close, and help them when they need it instead of talking behind their backs. You're raising every child who knows you, step up and be a good parent ALWAYS; whether you have biological kids or not! Organize a community event. Attend one. We can not win the war on our families if we do not become a family as a whole. And by no means be mistaken, this is a WAR against our family structure.
That's the realest shit ever. Think on it.
Damn it felt good to be FRESH outta bookings!

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First Entry

Ok, I'm a fucking blogger now. Great. Well I guess all the random shit I feel like rambling about will be on this page. Like right now I'm thinking about how lame this bitch is for being asleep @ 3am when I want some pussy. Fuck it, I guess I'll see what happens with this shit.